Miscarriage and loss: What are your options for a funeral?

We understand that suffering the loss of a child, no matter the age can be one of the most traumatic things any parent can go through. Whether you’ve unfortunately experienced a stillbirth or a miscarriage, finding a special way to honour this loss can help you with processing your grief. That’s why we are here to offer compassionate support and helpful advice when it comes to arranging a way to honour the loss of your child. 

Read on as we discuss the options available for honouring child loss, whether it be through burial or cremation, and how you can create a special moment to say goodbye to your child.

How do you honour a miscarriage?

When dealing with the grief of miscarriage, finding personal ways to honour them can help the mother, partner and other family members cope with the loss. Whether you choose to hold a funeral service for your baby or not, there are still many personal and private ways you can honour a miscarriage that can be incredibly comforting for you and your loved ones.

Give the baby a name 

Many people find that naming the baby they have lost allows them to feel more connected to the child and can help provide closure around the loss. If you lost the baby too early in the pregnancy to know the gender, you can choose a name that you feel best represents how you see the child and what you feel most connected to.

Make memorial jewellery

Jewellery can be a thoughtful way to commemorate the memory of those who have passed. Many jewellery pieces that memorialise miscarriage can include depictions of angels or baby’s footprints and, in some instances, you can choose to add the ashes to the jewellery piece after cremation.

Plant a memorial tree or garden

Creating a memorial garden or planting a tree in memory of those lost can be a wonderful, lasting way to honour your baby. Plants are thought to represent growth and future, therefore some may choose to plant a tree on the original due date or the anniversary of the miscarriage to commemorate the loss. 

Memorial plaque

Just like any other burial or cremation, a memorial plaque can be a thoughtful way to honour your baby. Whether you choose to have a plaque placed in a crematorium or a place special to your family, you can add an engraving or ultrasound photo to the memorial plaque to personalise the tribute.

Donate to a charity

Another way you can honour the memory of your child is to donate to a charity or organisation who are dedicated to increasing awareness around miscarriage and child loss and offer support to grieving parents. In the UK, charities such as Tommy’s, The Miscarriage Association and The Lullaby Trust all help to offer support to grieving families.

Is it normal to have a funeral for a miscarried baby?

In the UK, the law states that if you lose a baby after 24 weeks, the body must be buried or cremated – whether you hold a funeral service before the burial or cremation is a personal decision for you to make. Some parents may find comfort in arranging a funeral as a way to say goodbye and honour their child’s life, however, some may find this too hard and would prefer the hospital or funeral home to make all of the arrangements for them. 

It’s important to remember that whichever decision you make is up to you, and you’re allowed to change your mind at any time. If you do choose to have a funeral for your miscarried baby, there are a couple of options for you to choose from when it comes to arranging a service. The main options available here are to have a funeral at the hospital or to arrange the service by yourself using a funeral director.

If you’re looking for more information on the funeral options available to you after suffering the loss of a child, our funeral directors are here to help. Head on over to our funeral options page to find out what services we offer and how we can help you arrange a funeral.

When should I have the funeral for my miscarriage?

There is no specified legal time limit in which you should hold a funeral for a miscarriage or stillbirth. However, these most typically take place within 2 to 3 weeks. This time can be incredibly overwhelming and emotionally difficult, therefore it’s important to take your time to consider your options and lean on those close to you for advice and support. 

After suffering a loss, you will be required to register the baby’s stillbirth, after which you will be given a certificate for burial or cremation. Your baby will be kept safely in the hospital or in a funeral home until you are ready for a burial, therefore there is no pressure to make a decision before you are ready.

Depending on the religion you practise, some babies may need to be buried quickly in accordance with religious beliefs. In this instance, it is important to make hospital staff or funeral homes aware of your need for a faster burial.

What funeral can I have for a stillborn?

When it comes to arranging a funeral for a stillborn baby, you have the option to choose between a burial or cremation that can take place either at the hospital or with the help of a funeral home. This can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you need to consider religious practice and the wishes of another partner. Take your time in making this choice and discuss with your healthcare team what options are available to you so you can make an informed decision.

Hospital burial or cremation

The hospital you go to during the miscarriage or stillbirth can arrange for a burial or cremation to take place for you. This service will typically be free of charge and most of the paperwork and decision-making around the funeral will be done on your behalf to make this process easier for you. There is the option of course to have a burial or cremation without a funeral service if this is something you wish to have.

Hospitals offer the option to have an individual or shared cremation, however in some cases, only a shared cremation may be offered, depending on the age of the baby that was lost, Therefore it is important to discuss with the healthcare professionals what options are available to you. Most individual cremations are only offered for babies who were miscarried or stillborn at a later stage in pregnancy. If you choose to have the baby cremated at the hospital, the staff will inform you of when the ashes will be ready to collect, from this point you may choose to keep them at home or scatter them in a shared plot at a crematorium. It’s important to note that if the baby is lost before 17 weeks, there are unlikely to be enough ashes to collect.

Depending on the age of the baby, you may not have the choice of burial, therefore you should check with your hospital to see what they can offer. If a hospital burial is available, there is the option of a shared grave with other babies or an individual grave. Some parents may feel comforted by the idea of a shared grave as it means that their baby is not alone, however, there are others that would prefer an individual grave. If your baby is in a shared grave they will be put in their own coffin first. For a shared grave, there will not be an option of an individual headstone, however, you will be given the choice to put a memorial plaque in another part of the cemetery. If you choose to have an individual grave for your baby, they will be placed in their own coffin in a plot located in a specific area of the cemetery for children. 

When it comes to the actual funeral ceremony at the hospital, they will likely be shared ceremonies held by hospital chaplains. The shared ceremonies are non-denominational so they appeal to parents from any or no religion and you are welcome to invite anyone you wish to attend. However, there is always an option to ask if they will provide an individual ceremony if this is something you would prefer. 

Funeral home burial or cremation

If a hospital funeral isn’t for you, you may choose to contact a funeral home instead and arrange a service yourself, with the help of a funeral director. With this option, you will receive support from a funeral director who will talk you through the options and whether you would prefer a burial or cremation. Most funeral homes offer funerals for babies at a reduced rate, while some also perform the services for free of charge.

Arranging the service yourself or with a funeral director gives you more freedom to create a funeral that is more personal to you and your child. If you choose burial over cremation, the burial can take place either in a cemetery or on private land, however, if you choose to bury the baby at home it is important to consider how you may feel if you have to move away from that place at some point in the future. If you would prefer cremation, you will be given the option to choose a memorial plaque within the crematorium or to take the ashes home with you to either keep or scatter in a special place.

Just like any other funeral, when it comes to the ceremony yourself, the options available to you are much more flexible and you have the power to choose whether you would like a religious or spiritual service. You also have the choice of whether you want a small, private ceremony and a larger memorial service at a later time or whether you would like to invite friends and family to the service. The funeral ceremony for babies is similar to any other too as you will have the option to choose readings, poems and songs to be played during the service, as well as have the chance to choose what coffin and outfit you wish for your child to be in.

If you already have other children, it is important to consider whether you wish for them to attend this funeral or whether you may need to make arrangements for childcare. If you do wish for your children to attend, we advise that you make sure they are well-prepared for the ceremony. We have more information on how to support children experiencing loss over at our ‘how to help children deal with grief and loss’ blog, if this is something you feel you need further advice on.

Get bereavement support and funeral advice from Heart of England

If you’ve recently suffered a miscarriage or child loss, our team of funeral directors are here to offer support and advice during this difficult time. Discover what bereavement support we offer here at Heart of England and what funeral options are available for you at this time. From arranging a funeral to taking a loved one into our care, our team are available to contact you 24/7 with any queries you may have, so that you don’t feel alone.