How to write a condolence letter

Condolence letters can offer great comfort to those who are bereaved, however, writing them may feel like a daunting task. It can be hard to express how you feel or find the right words when creating a condolence message – but they’re very important for offering comfort, support and care to your loved ones.

In this blog, we take you through how to write a heartfelt condolence letter, from ways to send it to what you can include, so you can write a message that comforts the bereaved while avoiding empty words.

What is a condolence message?

A condolence message is an expression of sympathy and support that can be either written or spoken, shared with someone who has experienced loss. You can convey a variety of things in these messages from sorrow to support and it often provides comfort for them during their bereavement.

Ways to write a condolence message

Before you begin writing your condolence message, you should think about how you’re going to give it to them first. This is because whether it’s written or spoken, you may want to change the way you construct the message. There are various ways you can do this such as:

Writing a letter – Possibly the most popular way to express condolences are with handwritten letters. They are a good way to create a personal message, something heartfelt. From a practical perspective, written messages are also good for the writer, as it means you can take your time finding the right words and make multiple drafts until you’re happy with the message.

Sending a sympathy card – Sympathy cards are another good way to send condolences and tend to be shorter than writing a full letter. This is good if you aren’t sure you feel confident expressing your thoughts in the form of a letter, but still want to show your support for the grieving.

Giving them the message verbally – Expressing your condolences verbally may be a little harder than writing a letter or card, but it’s a good way to make a message feel more personal as it’s delivered straight from you. The physical aspect of it can bring comfort to some people in bereavement – however, we would still recommend writing down and practising what you want to say beforehand to avoid any miscommunication or upset.

You can also write a condolence message by text, however, this can come across as impersonal and can feel like a lack of thought and effort has gone into such a delicate situation. We would recommend sticking to handwritten or verbal deliveries if you want to create a message that feels more sincere.

Ideas for writing a condolence message

When it’s time to write your condolence letter you’ll want to make sure that you include all the right content to create a meaningful and heartfelt message. For when the words aren’t flowing easily and you need a bit more guidance, before putting pen to paper, we have included some ideas below for you to think about.

Write it by hand

If you’re opting to deliver your message by letter or card, the best way is to hand write it. This will feel a lot more genuine than if you were to type it and print it out, which doesn’t carry as much feeling or take as much thought.

Think about who the letter is for

The whole time you’re writing the message, keep firmly in mind who you’re writing to and what they’re going through. It won’t be a good time to make jokes, however, focusing on the recipient can help you decide if the message should be a few sentences or a bit longer. You can also base the content on their and your relationship with the deceased, maybe including a paragraph or two where you share a memory with them.

Keep it personal

Make sure you send the letter, addressing the recipient directly to make it feel more tailored to them. Additionally, while you may be avoidant of using the name of the deceased in case it causes more upset. Hearing or seeing their late loved one’s name and knowing others are still thinking of them can help the grieving process, so try to use their name where it feels natural.

Make the message short and simple

Sometimes a few simple words are better than nothing. Just knowing that someone is there for them and that you’re thinking of them can be enough. Writing a long message can also feel overwhelming to read for those in bereavement who are already experiencing a lot of emotions.

Share a memory

Sharing a nice memory of the deceased with their loved ones can offer a moment of peace during hard times, it can bring comfort to know that their loved one was important to others as well.

Offer support and help

If you can, offer your support and help over the coming weeks or months. We would recommend being specific with your offer of help to make it feel more personal. This could be things such as offering to do their weekly shopping, babysitting for them or perhaps even just coming over once a week to make them dinner and to sit with them. Being more specific about your offer will also make it more likely for them to take you up on it.

Closing the letter

You’ll want to avoid signing it off too formally, remember to keep it personal. Sign your letter with something more thoughtful. To help you we’ve included a few ways you can sign off your letter below:

• Thinking of you
• My deepest condolences
• My love and thoughts are with you

When to send a condolence letter

We recommend sending your condolences as soon as possible as waiting too long can cause the person grieving to feel more like an afterthought. They are also likely to need comfort the most while the grief is still fresh. Even a simple, short, heartfelt message is better than nothing and will let them know they have your support during these hard times.

Discover more ways to support those who are grieving with Heart of England

Condolence letters are a great way to comfort the grieving but there are also plenty of other ways in which you can show your love and support. If you want to discover more ways you can support those who have lost a loved one, you can read through our full blog on how to help someone who is grieving.