Why some people choose to have a living funeral

When we think about funerals, we often think of them as a chance for family and friends to come together after someone has died to remember their life and say goodbye. But in recent years, more people are choosing to celebrate their lives while they’re still here, allowing loved ones to share memories, express gratitude, and spend meaningful time together before they pass.

Known as a living funeral, this type of gathering is becoming an increasingly open part of conversations around end-of-life planning. While it isn’t the right choice for everyone, many people find it offers comfort, connection, and the chance to celebrate a life well-lived in a deeply personal way. In this blog, we’ll explain what a living funeral is, why some people choose to have one, and how you can plan a celebration of life that reflects your wishes.

What is a living funeral?

A living funeral is an opportunity for someone to celebrate their life with the people who matter most while they are still here to share the experience. Rather than taking place after someone has died, a living funeral brings family and friends together to reflect on cherished memories and spend those last few moments together.

There is no set way to have a living funeral. For some people, it may feel similar to a traditional funeral service, with readings, music, and personal tributes. For others, it may be more like a relaxed gathering, a dinner party, or a fun celebration. The focus is on bringing loved ones together in a way that feels right for the individual.

Why do people choose to have a living funeral?

People choose to have a living funeral for many different reasons, but at its heart, it’s often simply the result of a desire to share meaningful moments with loved ones while they still can.

For example, for someone living with a terminal illness, a living funeral can provide an opportunity to say thank you, express love, and say goodbye in a way that feels personal and unhurried. It allows conversations to happen face-to-face, rather than through memories shared after someone has died.

Others may choose a living funeral because they want to celebrate their life rather than focus solely on loss. Hearing stories from friends and family, looking back on special memories, and seeing the people who have shaped their lives can be deeply moving.

Some people also find comfort in being involved in the event themselves. Having control over music, readings, food, or location helps create a gathering that reflects their personality and values, so they get the send-off they want. 

For family and friends, a living funeral allows a chance to share feelings that are not always easy to put into words. Many people find that expressing appreciation, forgiveness, gratitude or love during a person’s lifetime can bring a sense of closeness and comfort that stays with them long afterwards.

Ultimately, there is no single reason why people have a living funeral. For some, it is about goodbyes, for others it is about celebration, and for many it is a little of both.

How do you plan a living funeral?

There is no single way to plan a living funeral. Everyone will have a specific way they wish to host this celebration of life. The most important thing is that it reflects the wishes, personality, and comfort of the person at the centre of the gathering. Whether it’s a small gathering with close family or a larger event with friends and colleagues, a living funeral should feel authentic and meaningful. Below are a few things to consider when deciding to host a living funeral.

Choose a setting that feels right

A living funeral doesn’t have to take place in a funeral home or place of worship. Many people choose a location that holds special memories or that feels comfortable and familiar.

This could be at home, in a favourite pub or restaurant, a community venue, or even outdoors in a garden or park. The setting should suit the atmosphere you’d like to create, whether that’s a quiet afternoon spent reflecting together or a lively celebration filled with laughter and conversation.

Decide how you’d like to celebrate

Unlike a traditional funeral service, there are no expectations about what should happen at a living funeral. Some people choose to include familiar elements from a funeral, like music, readings, speeches, or personal tributes, while others prefer something more informal.

You could choose to organise a family meal, an evening party, or a picnic with loved ones. 

Some people may ask guests to share stories and favourite memories, while others create opportunities to look through photographs, watch home videos, or write messages in a memory book. The occasion can be as structured or as relaxed as you’d like.

Make it personal

One of the most meaningful aspects of a living funeral is the opportunity to celebrate a person’s life in a way that truly reflects who they are. Choosing to include favourite songs, poems, hobbies, or traditions can make the day feel extra-special. You may choose to display treasured photographs, serve favourite foods or drinks, or ask guests to wear bright colours instead of black. Small personal touches often become the moments people remember most.

Think about comfort and accessibility

If the person hosting the living funeral is living with a serious or terminal illness, it’s important to plan the event around their needs. Choosing an accessible venue, providing comfortable seating, and keeping travel to a minimum can help reduce any unnecessary stress. Some people may also prefer to keep the gathering to a manageable length of time or build in time for rest throughout the day, allowing everyone to enjoy the occasion without feeling overwhelmed.

Focus on spending time together

While every living funeral looks different, they all share one thing in common, which is the chance to spend meaningful time together. Rather than focusing on saying goodbye, many people see these gatherings as an opportunity to celebrate relationships and express gratitude to the people who matter most. Whether there are tears, laughter, or a mixture of both, the occasion is about making the most of the time together.

What do you say at a living funeral?

Many people worry about finding the right words at a living funeral, but there is no perfect script to follow. Whether you’re the person hosting the gathering or attending as a guest, the most meaningful messages are often the simplest and most heartfelt.

Share a favourite memory

One of the easiest ways to speak at a living funeral is by sharing a memory that captures something special about the person. It could be a funny story, a memorable holiday, a family tradition, or a moment that made a lasting impression.

These personal stories often bring smiles as well as tears, helping everyone reflect on a life well-lived.

Tell them what they mean to you

A living funeral offers an opportunity to express thoughts and feelings while someone is there to hear them. You might want to thank them for their kindness, support, or friendship, tell them how they have influenced your life, or simply let them know how much they are loved.

For many people, hearing these words from family and friends can be one of the most meaningful parts of the day.

Keep it honest and personal

There is no expectation to give a formal speech. Some people feel comfortable speaking for several minutes, while others may only want to say a few heartfelt sentences. It’s perfectly natural to become emotional, pause to collect your thoughts, or even decide to write your message in a card or memory book instead. What matters most is that your words feel genuine.

Remember, it’s a celebration as well as a goodbye

Although a living funeral can be emotional, it doesn’t have to focus entirely on sadness. Many people choose to celebrate happy memories, achievements, and the moments that brought joy throughout a person’s life. Laughter often sits alongside tears, and sharing lighter moments can help create an atmosphere that feels uplifting, comforting, and true to the person being celebrated.

There is no right or wrong thing to say at a living funeral. Whether you share a story, express your gratitude, or simply let someone know they are loved, your words are likely to mean more than you realise.

How much does a living funeral cost?

The cost of a living funeral will vary greatly depending on how you choose to celebrate. It can be completely free if hosted at home, or can be as extravagant and expensive as you wish when hosted in a venue. Because there is no set format, the overall cost can be tailored to suit your budget, whether you’re planning a simple gathering with close family or a larger celebration with friends. There are a few key aspects to consider, which will all determine the overall cost.

The venue

One of the biggest factors that can affect the cost is where you decide to hold the event. Hosting a living funeral at home will involve very little expense, while hiring a venue such as a hotel, restaurant, or private function room will increase the overall cost.

Food and refreshments

Many living funerals include food and drink, whether that’s a buffet, a sit-down meal, or drinks with family and friends. The type of catering you choose and the number of guests attending will influence how much you spend. If you’re on a strict budget, you could even ask guests to participate in a potluck, with anyone who is able to bring a dish or plate along to contribute to a catering spread. 

Personal touches

Some people choose to include extras that make the occasion feel more personal, such as flowers, printed orders of service, photographs, live music, or memory books for guests to write in. While these details can make the day even more meaningful, they’re entirely optional and can be adapted to suit your budget.

Planning support

If you’d like help organising a living funeral, you may choose to work with a funeral director to handle the practical arrangements. They can help you plan a gathering that reflects your wishes while offering guidance and support throughout the process.

Is a living wake the same as a living funeral?

The terms living wake and living funeral are often used interchangeably, and both describe a gathering where someone chooses to celebrate their life while they are still alive. In both cases, the focus is on spending meaningful time with loved ones and sharing memories.

Some people do make a slight distinction between the two. A living funeral may include more elements you’d find at a traditional funeral, such as readings, speeches, or a structured ceremony that mirrors aspects of a funeral service. A living wake, on the other hand, is often seen as a more informal gathering, perhaps taking the form of a family meal or a party.

Whether you call it a living wake or a living funeral, the aim is the same – to celebrate a person’s life while they are still able to enjoy the occasion. They can be as formal or as informal as you wish, making it a deeply personal way to mark a life well lived.

Plan a celebration of life with Heart of England

While a living funeral is not intended to replace a funeral after death, unless that is your wish, it can become an important part of a person’s end-of-life wishes. It offers the chance to express feelings that might otherwise go unsaid and unheard and can provide comfort, connection, and reassurance for everyone involved.

If you’re considering a living funeral, speaking to an experienced funeral director can help you explore your options and plan a gathering that best reflects your wishes and supports your loved ones.