A guide to writing a eulogy

Writing a eulogy can feel like a daunting task, from writing the first sentence to delivering the speech on the day. It can be hard to put your feelings into words and to find the right ways to honour your loved one.

With emotions high, the pressure to write the perfect tribute might feel overwhelming, but we are here to help take some of the stress away so that you can focus on what really matters – giving them the perfect send-off. Read through our blog and get guidance on everything from ideas on how you can make your eulogy feel more special, to tips on how to deliver your speech at the funeral.

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral in front of family and friends, it’s dedicated to remembering the life of the deceased. They are often used as a way to paint a picture of the deceased and a great way of reminiscing on the good times and celebrating their life and their achievements by sharing stories and memories with the other funeral attendees. It gives the perfect opportunity for people to express their emotions and connect with their loved ones while paying tribute to a shared loss.

Steps to writing a funeral eulogy

One of the most daunting steps when writing a eulogy is getting started, however, there is no right or wrong way to prepare your eulogy, so you don’t need to feel too intimidated – just start wherever feels right.

No two eulogy speeches are the same, and your eulogy should be unique and special to your loved one and those you’re reading it to. Below we have included some good starting points to help you overcome writer’s block, as well as ideas that you can incorporate into your eulogy to make it feel more special.

1. Gather your thoughts

The first step isn’t actually writing anything down at all, it’s all about gathering your thoughts and thinking about what you want your eulogy to encapsulate. Think about the tone and what emotions you want to create during your speech, you might want it to feel more calm and peaceful which might include sharing happy, simple moments from their life. Or you may want to write a speech that’s on the lighter or funnier side to help release a few smiles from those present (as long as you think your audience will appreciate this).

At this stage, it’s a great idea to talk to family and friends, they will be able to help you come up with memories to share and how you can set a good tone. You may even want to coordinate your speech with other speakers, especially if someone else is planning to read a more sombre or emotional speech, it may feel like a lot for those listening if you were to do the same. Coordinating with other speakers can help everyone to strike the right balance across all the speeches.

2. Start by making notes

Once you’ve thought about the key points you want to make and the tone of your speech you can start writing some ideas down in note form. When it comes to writing your eulogy your notes will be a great reference point whenever you’re feeling stuck or at a loss for words. This can be anything from writing down memories, well-known traits or characteristics, funny moments or achievements they’ve made during their life that you’d like to share, it could even be individual words or sayings that remind you of them.

Don’t feel pressured to write all of your notes down in one go. It’s often a good idea to dot them down as they come to you, as this will help your speech feel more natural and less forced as well.

3. Writing your eulogy

Once it comes to finally writing your eulogy speech, the most important thing to remember is that there is no wrong way to do it. The main thing that matters is that your speech is personal to your loved one and something you feel proud to present. However, there are still some things you may want to consider as you write your speech if you’re looking to make it a special experience.

How would the deceased want to be remembered? – Think about how they lived and who they were as a person. If they always told jokes and were the life of the party, having a eulogy that recalls their funniest moments will be more true to them and how they lived and will make it feel like a more personal experience.

Share stories and their greatest memories – Give specific examples of the best memories you have with them, they can be happy, sad, funny – whatever you want to reminisce about and what you think attendees might appreciate hearing.

What are their greatest achievements? – These can be things they achieved during their education, career, maybe key moments from growing up, their interests and hobbies, or anything that encompassed them as a person.

What made them happiest? – Similar to how they would want to be remembered, try to incorporate things that made them happy into your speech. This could be anything from being with family, going on holidays, maybe spending time with grandchildren or being in the garden.

These are only a few of the ideas that you might want to incorporate into your eulogy. There are a multitude of things that you can do and say to make your funeral speech into the perfect tribute for your loved one. If you’d like more ideas on things you can include in a eulogy you can read through our funeral music and eulogies page for more help and guidance.

How to get prepared for the speech

Writing your eulogy can feel like a tough task to tackle but reading it out loud, in front of family and friends, can feel just as intimidating when it comes time for you to give your speech. However, there are a few things you can do beforehand to help you feel more prepared and confident on the day.

Practise reading it out loud – Reading on paper and reading out loud are two very different things. Reading out loud will help you to notice if there are any parts where you are getting tongue-tied or where you might feel it just needs rewording and it will help you to time how long it takes to deliver it, which will be important if you are restricted to how long your eulogy can take. It will help you to improve the overall flow of your speech and might help smooth out the transitions from one topic to another.

You might also want to try reading it to someone if you’re still unsure of how it sounds. Having another person listen to your speech will not only give you some good practice before the day of the funeral, but they will be able to give you some feedback and advice on how your eulogy sounds from a 3rd person perspective.

How to make a funeral reading special

The best way to write a eulogy is to make it feel heartfelt. Even a humorous eulogy can feel special if it ties into how your loved one lived. However, it’s also important to think about those who will hear the eulogy on the day. Giving a humorous eulogy to a room full of people who won’t appreciate it may be upsetting rather than mood-lightening. Below we’ve included a few things that you can include to make your eulogy speech feel like a special experience and a powerful tribute.

Think of the other funeral attendees – To make a funeral speech feel special you will first want to think of the mourners and what they may and may not appreciate. Some people will want a serious and heartwarming eulogy while others may appreciate something lighthearted to change the mood. It’s good to ask around and find out what people may appreciate if you’re unsure about what tone will suit the situation best. If you are unable to check beforehand, then try considering what the deceased would have wanted, and stay true to their wishes. Even if the eulogy isn’t to every funeral-goer’s tastes, if your eulogy best reflects the deceased, you can’t go far wrong.

Try to speak from the heart – Nothing says special more than a speech straight from your heart. Talk about why the deceased was special to you specifically, how or why did they play such a significant role in your life, and what did they mean to you. Did you learn any important lessons from them?

What would you say to them if they were still here? – A eulogy is a great time to say the things you didn’t get the chance to when they were alive. What do you think they would want to hear at their funeral? Would they want you to talk about their hobbies and interests? Would they want you to talk about their achievements? What were their favourite memories? What would you say to them if they were standing in front of you?

Make it personal – Keep it conversational, again this may depend on the tone of the funeral, however, having your speech read in a more conversational tone rather than strictly formal will help make it feel like a special, more personal experience.

End it with something positive – The last thing you say will leave the biggest impact, so ending it with something positive by sharing a fond memory or saying some words of encouragement to the grieving can help provide both comfort and a feeling of calm.

How long should a funeral reading be?

Most eulogies are usually around 3-5 minutes long, but there isn’t a strict set length you need to abide by. Sometimes they can be as long as 10 minutes. If you have a lot to say, or not much to say at all, then don’t worry about making your eulogy longer or shorter. It’s more important that you get to say what you want to say and make it a special experience for all those who are attending the funeral.

If you are unsure or concerned about how long your eulogy can take in the service, we would recommend talking to the funeral planners, so it doesn’t overrun or get in the way of other people’s speeches if there is a time limit.

Tips for delivering a funeral speech

When it comes time to deliver your speech there are a few things to keep in mind to make it a memorable experience.

First of all, try to speak slowly and clearly so people can hear what you have to say. With emotions running high, people may struggle to follow a speech that’s being delivered too fast so taking your time to reminisce on their memories will help people to follow along. It will also allow you time to gather your own thoughts and collect yourself in between sentences. Remember to breathe, taking a moment just to take a breath can help calm you and allow you to make your eulogy flow and feel less rushed.

Try to make eye contact with your friends and family, if you feel able. This can be hard, especially if you’re feeling vulnerable or emotional, but staring down at the paper could make your eulogy feel closed off and people might find it harder to hear you as well. Those who may have a hearing impairment may find it easier to appreciate your eulogy if they can read your lips, so try and face people, with your head up as this will make them feel included in your speech and make for a more personal experience.

Get help planning a funeral with Heart of England

While there is no right or wrong way to write a eulogy – for some it is not an easy task . From preparing the perfect funeral to honouring a loved one with a special speech, it can feel like a lot of pressure during an already emotional time.

At Heart of England, we are here to help guide you through every step of the way. Whether you want to know what to expect at your first funeral or you’re looking for advice on how to help a loved one who’s grieving, we have everything to help guide you through the process. You can also contact our funeral directors directly for more help and advice on arranging a funeral.