Letters to Heaven: what are they and do they help?

If you’ve lost someone, whether suddenly or after a long illness, one experience that many grievers share is feelings of regret. It can be regret for not expressing your true feelings to them or regret for not appreciating the time you had with them while they were around – but whatever the cause, moving past this emotion in a healthy way is a challenge. If your grief and regret is being made worse by lingering words and conversations you can no longer have with that person, letters to Heaven could be the right therapeutic resource to help.

Coming to terms with the loss of someone you care about can be a big personal journey and letters to Heaven are a great way to help you navigate that journey. They’re made to help children and adults alike to cope with grief, whether you’d like to keep it as a journal of letters that you store in your own home or if you want to experience the process of actually posting the letters – our guide on letters to Heaven will take you through exactly what they are, the benefits for those who are grieving and provide some idea of things you can write in them.

What is a letter to Heaven?

Letters to Heaven are exactly as they sound, you write a letter to a deceased loved one as a way to express yourself. They’re a great way to cope with grief as they allow you to communicate unspoken feelings and words to help clear your mind. There are even dedicated postboxes for this process, and they’re typically found within the grounds of crematoriums and cemeteries and are noticeable from their bright white appearances.

How to write a letter to Heaven?

As mentioned previously, there are a few ways you can go about writing a letter to Heaven. You can either write them in a journal and keep them, almost like a diary, or you can go through the full experience of writing and posting the letter. There is no right or wrong choice and you can even try both if you’re not sure which one will be better for you. Both of them work the same, but it’s all down to which one you think will serve you the most.

Below we’ve included why both options may be beneficial to those who are grieving to help you decide which one will be best for you:

Keeping the letters in a journal – Some people may wish to keep the letters in a journal at home so they can re-read them from time to time, or maybe because it offers a sense of security that the letters are in your safekeeping. This option can feel more personal if you would rather write these letters alone.
Posting the letters – Others may find that the act of posting the letter and letting go of it physically will be more therapeutic. You can also make this a family activity if you don’t want to go through it alone and is a great option for helping grieving children as well.

What to write in a letter to Heaven?

First of all, the most important thing to address is that there is no right or wrong way to write letters to heaven. It’s your choice what you want to write and how you wish to express yourself. Every letter will be different but what matters the most is that you’re conveying everything you need to help with the grieving process – and this will look differently for everyone.

However, we know that when emotions are high words don’t always come easy to us. So if you find yourself in need of some ideas of things you can include in your letter then read through our list below to gather some inspiration for things you may wish to say to them.

Tell them how they affected your life – This can be a great way to reflect on your time together and how they impacted your life. Whether it was from how they made you laugh or if they were just an overall comforting presence, this can be an ideal way of showing gratitude or perhaps expressing unspoken feelings.

Tell them what has happened since they’ve been gone – From family events to new technology that’s come out that you’re sure they would love, talk about everything you think they would like to know since their departure as a way to keep them up to date with current events. It can be a therapeutic way of still feeling connected to them.

Talk about how you’re feeling – Although it’s a letter to your loved one, don’t forget that this is for you as well, and when they were alive they probably liked to know how you were doing. So, let them know how you’ve been feeling recently, no matter if it’s good or bad.

Share one of your favourite memories – Use this letter as a chance to reminisce on the good times. Share with them your favourite memories of the time you spent together, whether it was something grand, something mischievous or something as simple as watching a movie at home.

Reflect on ways you’ve grown since their passing – Tell them things that have changed with yourself and your life – anything you would normally have shared over a coffee and a chat. Whether you’ve taken up a new hobby, you’ve received a promotion or maybe you’ve just taken baby steps in overcoming your grief. This is also a great way to remind yourself of how far you’ve come.

Talk about things you wish you were able to tell them during life – This can be everything from how they made you feel to how you feel about them in return, anything that you maybe didn’t get the chance to tell or something you wish you had expressed sooner.

Comfort them – Maybe you want to let them know they’re in your thoughts or tell them how loved they are. If you’re feeling any lingering regrets over emotions not shared and connections not made then comforting them can help you to express the things you didn’t get to before their passing.

What does the post office do with letters to Heaven?

If you put your letters into a white post box then the post office itself will not handle them as they are not owned by any postal service. This also means that no address or stamp is needed, however many people like to write “Send to Heaven”.

The cemetery staff will handle the letters and each letter is treated with complete confidentiality, none of them will be opened or read. A lot of the time the letters will be turned into compost which is then used in memorial gardens as a long-term and kind solution for handling these sensitive letters. It’s both eco-friendly and will help enhance the grounds around the cemetery.

Get more support and advice with Heart of England

Losing a loved one is never easy and if you need help, whether it’s advice on how to cope with grief or guidance when planning a funeral – Heart of England is here to help support you and your family.

If you need more help and guidance to plan the perfect send-off for your loved one then you can contact us to get in touch with our friendly funeral directors who will support you with any funeral arrangements.

However, if you’re looking for more help when coping with grief or supporting a loved one dealing with grief then you can read through our blogs on Grief support: Bereavement counselling and how to help a child deal with grief and loss for more advice.